WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
