you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
