I'm lost and stupid without you.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
