Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
