I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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