My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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