idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
