This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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