does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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