I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
