Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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