my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I can't turn off my feet"
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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