4 words: hood of his car
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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