2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
All the doctor said was why
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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