You were right. It hurts to walk today.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
