So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
