We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
