I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
