her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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