pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
