oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
