you're like a bully in the Christmas story
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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