it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
