so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Pooping to opera.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
