And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
