Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
