the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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