I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
