ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
