You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
