Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
