3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
