Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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