I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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