Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
