i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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