was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
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