would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
