Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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