Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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