you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
