One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
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