Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
