My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
