If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize