I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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