Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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