i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
