angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
