she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Nobody cheats on THIS.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
