dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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