Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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