her vagine was all disorganized.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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