Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
