I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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